It seems fitting, during this week of the year, that I have an article up at Darling Magazine entitled “Mom’s The Word: Dating Your Husband.” As a woman who became a wife and a mother during the month of May, seven years apart, writing this article reminded me afresh of the reasons why Michael and I are so committed to continuing to date. You can read it here, but I’m including the basics below:
The Whys
Time is a valuable gift.
Making time to date one another in a season of life that is very busy (and shows no signs of slowing down any time soon) is a priceless gift we can give our spouse. Time is a precious commodity to both of us, and when we willingly spend that time with one another, we are saying you are worth my time. And because our lives are made up of just that—time—we are saying, in essence, you are worth my life.
We invest in what we value.
If you’re like me and you’re not rolling in money, the components of getting a date with your spouse can seem too costly sometimes—paying for a date and a sitter can really add up. Yet, we invest in what we value; that doesn’t mean we have to spend loads of money to date, but we do have to invest in cultivating our relationship as a couple.
When we short-change our spouse, we short-change the family.
As a mom, I want Ella to have everything she needs (and more). But more than many other things, children want to know that their parents are in love and that they enjoy one another; this brings peace and stability to a home. Having a consistent date night doesn’t guarantee a healthy marriage, but it does offer intentional space to grow together as a couple.
The Hows
Intentional connection.
Date night won’t add much to a relationship if there is no real connection. While watching a TV show together can be fun, it’s also important to create space to talk and continue to get to know one another. We’ve even purchased books to help jumpstart these conversations—and we keep learning about each other in the process.
Keep it simple.
Sometimes, the thought of planning a date night—on top of everything else—can seem like a burden rather than a blessing. So, most of the time, we keep it simple: dinner at one of our regular spots, coffee at our favorite cafe. It’s not the place and the surroundings that matter—it’s the time you get with one another. If you’re stuck in a routine and you need to break out of it, look at the options at your local library or community college–many offer one-night classes where you can learn a new skill, such as a cooking class or an art class.
Sometimes, go fancy.
The caveat to keeping things simple is that there are times when a fancy night out or adventurous date is exactly what you both need. New experiences together are fun and bonding, so put on your heels, compliment his tie, and make a reservation at your favorite restaurant or go see a show together in the city! Or, if you’re more of the adventurous type, go to your local climbing wall and spend an hour with an instructor, learning how to climb. Take a salsa dancing class or a country-line dancing class. The options are endless!
Either way, make it happen.
Regardless of what you do, actually having a date together is the key. If Michael and I only had a date night on the weeks it was convenient, we would never get one. But we are committed to investing in our marriage in this way, and so we make it work, even if it’s a shared dessert at home after Ella goes to sleep or a walk at the park with her in a stroller while we talk.
How about you? Do you and your spouse have regular dates? What do they look like?
Related post: The Power of Mini Marriage Retreats
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Letters to My Grandma
http://jilachristiansen.wordpress.com/2014/05/23/letters-to-my-grandma/